Saturday, February 9, 2008

poison inside

Lats night I had several dreams. this is one of them. I went to a party - a meeting and there I met a girl. She took me to her house, but i don't remember seeing her face. All I saw was her neck and her back. She was wearing a dark red summer dress, with a light colored (very little)flower motief. We were at her house - she leaves the room for a while - and suddenly I have to pee. Then I am like half on my knees and peeing on the floor into the corner of the room, and at the same time I'm looking out for some toilet paper to clean the mess up, but I can't find any even if I feel certain there must be somewhere. I am peeing and thinking, ok let yourself go, i'll clean up afterwards. (I've had many dreams with this uncotrollable peeing next to a toilet, completely missing the target, and feeling helpless).

Then there's blank spot (no memory). Now there seems to be some kind of a relation between me and this woman/gril, that I seem to care about very much, even though we just met. That's the reason she brought me home and it seems there is a natural prospect that we will be sleeping together (I'm not sure if sex was part of prospect, maybe I just want to sleep with her in a bed and hold her). I know she's very fond of me. i think we like each other very intimately.

But then at some point - it's like if much time, like days, has passed, or maybe just an hour - I start to change physically. I start losing the skin of my face, my neck, shoulders and chest, revealing a metallic structure underneath. This metal shines a bit, fluorecent colors, like if I consist of pure poison inside. I see myself standing, losing my appearance and turning into a robot (not completely, just top area of body and still with much part of skin not yest uncovered). My head looks smaller suddenly, my eyes seem bigger and my teeth are disclosed, there is no mouth left. The moment i see myself like this, I understand my relationship is over, because I could not hide myself. It's as if i had forgotten this part of me and suddenly it says halo again, but on a very bad moment. I look for the girl/woman in and around the house, yard... There is someone else too, someone connected to the girl, a man, but I don't know who he is. He sees me change infont of his eyes. The woman seems to be gone. I feel helpless again, but I try to supress the reality of what is happening. i still expect to find her and have a word with her.

1 comment:

Mind Robot said...

ok, this post shows how I'm limited in english. If I'd writtin it in ducht would have been "different dream", but I leave it on anyway. First paragraph is still accurate enough.