It is so ridiculous how the mind works - because that one place in your life where you absolutely need to go, it will say: "nope, not important - move on please." And you continuously "scroll" over it - not even taking notice of it. I'm talking about memories here.
here's an answer i recieved from Helena, (==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrLNT8QTXh0), my Tree of Life, a Dimensional being who stand within and as me, to a question I asked, related to pain in my intestins:
"Yes - there is still self forgiveness to be done. The intestines are still harboring suppressed emotions - most specifically anger and resentment specifically related to 'family', this world, life and your 'situation' as your experience of you in this world. See, you have much blame towards your family with regards to 'how you and your life turned out' and you've attempted and tried many various ways to escape this absolute 'fucked-upness' within you with regards to your family - and the only way you've succeeded to keep your experience towards your family at 'bay' = is suppression. This intolerance towards your family - brought you to the intolerable nature of 'life' itself, meaning your experience of your 'life' in this world - like there's no escape from what exist within this world and you've 'mothered' a 'deep hate' within you towards this world, 'life', your 'family' = everything. And it's that 'hate' that absolute intolerability within you - from which you've attempted and tried to escape, which made you 'do things' in your life and 'become someone' that you don't enjoy 'being with' - you don't enjoy being with you. Now, this is quite deeply rooted, so with regards to self forgiveness - you have to go in to the very core of the root within you - the root of the anger, intolerance, irritation, fed-upness, frustration - have a look at what 'triggers' such emotions within you - observe all the points within yourself and your world - and start with self forgiveness from there. From tHERE you will find the 'points' within you and your life experience that has caused this experience within you and your world - and so effectively release you and the pain your intestines is experiencing at the moment. --Helena"
So, what I started to do was self-forgiveness on my father and so on. Now there is a whole new 'chapter' of my life to be remembered and faced - and it's a little village called Zafarraya. (forgiveness now, i continue later)