still issues with: writing and sharing my realizations for a purpose outside of myself. the other day I was considering the option of writing on paper = for me alone = instead of on a blog or on forum, and this scared me, becasue i realized I was dependent on both forum and blog to share me. I allways take into consideration things like: is this wortrh shareing? oh yes this isd efinatey wotrth sharing = oh, if i share this, then i'll certainly have responses, etc. Im tired of this. I've had enough. alos, after writing apost = I'll carefully select myself an appropriate titel: compelling, representative for the content of my post, etc. also = when nearing the end of a post = when i'm done, i'll often try to end in a sort of style-full way (stijlvol).
why do I do this? Presentation, again... Perfection, completeness: I want every post to be 'complete' on its own. my mind is telling me allsorts of shit = what to say, what to write. also = most of my posts are often written from the starting point of writing a little story = and story's are complete: they must have a build-up and a good ending. fucking shit programming = REAl shit. what is wrong with just writing me = can i answer myself this question, please?
i am here = all is here as me as breath
mind = complicated = bullshit
inforgive msyelrf that i have allowed msyelf to definbe completeness as writing astory
I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to have an intention "towards completeness" = bullshit = I am here as completeness as me = all here= all me = breath
i forgive msyelf to want to say something with some style
I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf that i need tohave style in order to speak me= bullshit
I forghive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to take bullshit from myself
I forgive msyelf that I ahve allwoed msyefl to want to write something 'interestin,g'
I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed msyelf to want to be interesting
I forgive msyelf that i ahve not allowed msyelf to see = here= that wnting tobe inteesrtoing is NOT here
I forgive msyelf that i have annot allowed msyelf to realize and be the simplicity of this moment = and not see thgat either I am here - or I am not
I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyefl to have expectations about myself at work = about wht i must 'accomplish there' = in terms of how i must evolve in orer to transcend my reactions and fears of being at work and all what goes around within me there
I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think and believe i should write an 'appropriate sf line to end this post with