Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sexuality IIII - Fullfilment

since yetserday -and previous days a bit slumbering - sexual images pop up in my mind constantly. wel - noyt condtantly, but too often fo my liking. also - a few weeks ago, I had per accident started to watch a eraotic series - and now supposedly, I HAVE t waych it every monday "for self-support", because i do sf while watching- yeah RIGHT

lol

I forgive myself that i have allwoed msyelf to desperately want to watch porn movies

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to feel unsatisfied and from this feeling unsatisfied wanting to watch erotic movies late at night

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allwoed msyelf to bullshit myself in believeing i am supporting myself through watching this series- because actually I felt frustrated when the other day my father came down and I was too emarrased to continue watching so I quit it

I forgive msyelf that I have allwàoed myself to not see the difference when i am supporting myself effectively and when i am taking a piss with myself

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to trick myself and making a noble excuse to myself as to why it is ok to watch porn again (once a week)

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to when I suddenly bump into an erotic scene of a film wanna keep watching it desperately and certainly not change the channel

I forgive msyelf that I have allowe dmsyelf to let myself be thrown around by my mind as this desire I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that I AM this desire

I forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to GIVE IN to this desire

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think it is normal to give in to this desire - that it is "human nature"

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to be fokking addicted to this

I forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to become addictyed and MAKE myself become adsdicted through my continuous ^participation in the mind as sex-pictures and dea's/memories

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to let myself become a gallery of sexual pictures and memories

I forgive myself that I have allwoed msyelf to attach value to my inner galerie of pictures and sexual memories and idea's

I forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to fear giving up ALL these pictures

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to think that "some of them are really nice though"

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that without pictures in my mind it is imposiible for me to expereince myself AS self-arousal and self-fullfillment

I forgive myself that i have allwoed msyelf to exist within a preceived "Lack" of something

I forgive myself that i have allwoed msyelf to feel drawn to sexual pictures - for instance a porn magazine lying open on the street, with the pictures still visible and recognizable

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoe dmsyelf to feel drawn to porn movies and sex-pictures - to the point I cannot ignore them anymore

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define fullfillment as watching a porn magazine

I forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to define fullfilment as thinking about a sexual tainted pictuere in my mind and keeping focussed on it

I forgive myself that i have allowed msyelf to define fullfillment as masturbation while thinking and in my mind 'seeing' pictures of naked woman/girls

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to believe that I AM this eye of the mind which 'sees' sex-related pictures even though they are not really present

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to define fullfilment as watching naked people having sex on television

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to define fullfillment as having an orgasm while masturbating I forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to define fullfillment as feeling aroused
when in my mind overviewing all those pictures

i forgive msyelf that i ahve allwoed msyelf to define fullfilment in wtatching pictures and images of woman and girls

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define fullfillment as watching sex on the internet - picturesa nd images

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to believe that these pictures have REAL power over me

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to indulge in the illusion of fullfilmment through watching pictures and porn

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed myself to define fullfillmnet as looking at the body of this woman dressed in red that showed up at work

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allwoed msyelf to define fullfilment as a perception

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to define fullfilment as perceptual

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allwoed msyelf to think i need my eyes in order to be able to be fullfilled - to expereince fullfillment

I forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to define fullfillment as looking with my eyes at the body of a woman/girl - looking at her shapes

I forgive msyelf that i aheva llwoe dmsyelf to define fullfilment as through my mind looking at and seeing the body of a woman/girl and looking at the shapes of her body such as her breasts and her hips and legs

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to believe I need my mind as pictures and images in order to be able to experience fullfillment

I forgive msyelf that i ahev allowed msyelf to define fullfillment seperate from ME I forgive msyelf that I ahvea llowed msyelf to separate ME from fullfillment

I forgive msyelf that i ahve not allowed msyelf to recognize and accept msyelf as self-fullfillment as myself - without external picturs and images

I forgive msyelf that i aheva llowed msyelf to not know that I am fullfilled as myself as me already in every moment of breath

I forgive msyelf that I have not allowed msyelf to live myself as fullfillment as msyelf

I forgive msyelf that i have not allowed msyelf to live msyelf one and equal with and as fullfilment as myself as all as equal as one as me as life

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