Friday, July 18, 2008

being 'nice'

i forgive msyelf that iu have allowed msyef to use others in being nice to them so that they will help me achieve my selfish goals in life

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be a hypocrite

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to people when asking them to do soemthing for me - as a deceptive presentation of myself

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think there actually exist human biengs that are nice and kind and not act out of self-interest

i forgive msyelkf that I have allowed msyelf to think I am nice and kind and seldom act out of selfinterest

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to my mom so she willcontinue to take care of me

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to my father so he will continue having me in his house and support me financially

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to people at work so i create an image of msyelf and they will not fire me

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to play an act of inferiority towards another by being nice - so the other feels powerfull and will indulge in my wishes because i boosted their ego

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to caress leila so she will give me the ashtray because i was too lazy to take it myself

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to play an inferiority act to wards my father so he will indulge in my requests and wishes - because i make him feel powerfull

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to deceive others for my personal gain

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to in full awareness manipulate another for my personal gain

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to people because i need something from them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think "ooh people are so nice and helpfull to eachother"

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to not see this, because i do this all the time

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to feel used and set aside when leila asked me for the ashtrey when actually she was reflecting me back to myself

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to my father so i can keep on living in his house

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to my mother so i can keep on eating her food

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to my boss at work so he wont fire me

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to people at work because i think at some point i might need them and then they will have the power to refuse me this

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear at some point i might not get what i want

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to my boss so he wil give me free days when tala is here

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to allways be nice to poeple in thier face but aftrewards think shit of them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to use powertactics to maniulate people in granting me what i need/want

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to give my boss the impression that im comfortable around him and that i like him, so he will grant me some days off when tala is here

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to teachers at school so they will let me pass

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be super-nice to teachers at school so they will not let me double my year

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to teachers because they have the power to give me bad grades

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to the police because they have guns and im affraid of them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to feel powerfull when i talked to a policeman because now i have a bond with him

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to people out of survival, because i want things done from them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to my father so he wont become angry with me and ask me serious questions wbout what the hell im doing

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to people so that no one will suspect i am actually selfish

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to actout of consideration for the little mind-me alone - the i need to survive-me

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to act nice and friendsly towards my friends because in the future i might need them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice and friendly towards my family because i think i might one day need them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice and friendly to my neighbours because one day i might need soemthing from them and they might refuse this

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to beings so they wont refuse me anything when i ask them something

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be polite to beings so they will give me what i want

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be polite to my father so he will not be bothered by my presence in the house - and so i can keep living there

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to speak nice, look nice, smile nice and laugh nice, so that no one will never refuse me something - except if they really cant

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be very nice to my mom so she will continue preparing my food because i like it

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be friendly towards my parents so that they would continue keeping me with them in the house and live with them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to my father and allways give him his way, so that one day he will have to go along with my wishes aswell

i forgive mlsyelf to allways say thank you aftyer someone did something for me , because i say this so that in the future they will help me again

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to my friends so they will help me survive

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to my parents so they will help me survive

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be nice to people at work so they will help me survive

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be nice to teachers so they will help me survive

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to only be nice to the people i fear and who have power, because they will help me survive

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