Wednesday, July 9, 2008

comprehensible

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to be bored

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to be bored and then wahting to eat candy or smoke to relieve this boredom

I forgive msyefl that I ahve allowed myself to think I must do womthing in the world to relieve myself from boredom

i forgive msyef that I have allowed msyelf to think I must avoid being bored and fear I might get bored at some point in the future

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed mseyfl to want to write sf just to DO something to not be bored

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that when i do nothing in the world this will inevitably end up with me being bored

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed msyefl to feel constrained within myself as if i must do something to expand myself for a moment

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed msyelf to want to expand msyelf in doing stuff

I frogive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf tow ant to forget msyelf in doing stuff

I frogive msyelf that i have allwoed smeylt o to not want to be with me

I forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to think that what I am here is horrible and unbearable

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be unsatisfied about me

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be unsatisfied within this moment

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed mseyfl to panic anf think breathing is not enough

I forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to think breathing is not enough, that i must be more do more accomplish something

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyefl to have no attention for me

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to hate me here

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed smeyflt o resent me here

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o be inmpatient

I forgive mseyfl that i have allowed smeyflt o think: i want change now now now

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed msyelf to think this sucks

I forgive msyefl that I have allwoed smeyflt o think that the expereince of me sucks

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyeflt o think I suck

I forgive msyefl thgat I have allowed msyelf to want to entertain msyelf

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o wan to be entertained

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed msyelft o need entertainment to occupy myself

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be addicted to entertainment

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o whenever I feel bored immediately and anxiously look for a means to occupy myself

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed smeyflt o think this is boring

I forgive msyefl that i have allowed mseyfl to think i want to smoke and if i smoke i will be ok again

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed mseyflt o think I want to watch television and if i watch tv i will be ok again

I forgive msyefl that i have allowed mseyfl to think i ant to eat something and think that if i eat soemthing i will be ok again

IO forgive msyelf that I have allowed mseyflt ow ant to visit desteni website and think that if i do this ill be ok again and forget about the anxiety

I frogive msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o expereince anxiety

I frogive msyelf that i have allowed mseyfl to want to be relieved from myself from the burden that is me

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to expereince this moment here as being aburden towards myself

I forgive mseyfl that i have allowed msyeflt o think that getting out of bed is a burden

I frogive mseyfl taht i have allowed msyelf to think that getting up the stairs is a burden

I forgive mseyfl that I have allowed smeyfl to think that moving myself phisicaly is a burden

I forgive smeyfl that I have allowed smeyflt o think life is a burden

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed msyelf to think beaing awake is aburden, and rather be asleep

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed smeyflt o think breathing is a burden

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed smeyflt os ee sf as being aburden

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed smeyflt o think typing is a burden

I forgiv esmyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that travelling is a burden

I forgive smyefltaht I have allowed myself to thinbk talking to someone is a burden

I forgive smyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o think that inviting someone over is a burden

I forgive mseyfl that I have allowed smeyflt o expereicne my body as a fokking burden and incarnated misery

I forgive msyefl that I have allowed msyefl to think my body is incarneted misery

I forgive msyelf that I have allwoed smeydflt o want to give up and think fok this

I am here

I am not boredom

I forgivbevmsyelf that i ahve allwoed msyefl to want someone to take this burden over from me

I frogive msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o think i am heaviness and a burden to myself which consumes me

I forgive mseyfl that I have allowed mseyfl to be sad to feel sad

I frogive msyefl that i ahve allowed mseyfl to not want to be here

I frogive mseyfl that I have allowed msyelf to think fun is somewhere out there

I forgive smeyfl that i have allowed smeyflt o think i can,not make fun with and as myself

I forgive msyelf that i have not allowed smeyflt o realize that fun is who i am -

I frogive msyelf that i have allowed mseyfl to want to make fun and in this separate me from me from fun

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think i cannot have fuin excpet with someone or something seperate from me

I frogive mseylf that i have allowed msyelft o feel infereior to people having fun

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed smeyf to think i am less than funn

no flow

there is a fly flying around me all day

i stopped typing and it came checking on al my fingers

i consider deleting this, bu then again

still shit shit

i forgive myselfd to feel shit

i forgive myself thatr i want to feel shit as excuse

i forgive that i have allowed to feel like shit because i think it is not working atm

i forgive me trhat i want to go goe go

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to wanna feel bad and sad so i can have selfpity

i forgive myself that i havecallowed myself to feel i must type type type

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear being nonsensical

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge myselfd as nonsensical and dumb

i foirgive myself that i hav allowed msyelf to think that who i am makes no sense

I forgive msyefl that i have allowed smeyflt think i am absurd

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allwoed smeyflt o fear real absurdity

I forgivev msyelf that i have allowed smeydlt o think in must make sense to someone

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to believe what i say must make sense to others

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyuelf to limit myself in thinking i must structure msyelf so as to apparently make sense to another

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed mseyfl tow ant to be comprehensible

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allwoed smeyfl to think that who i am musty be comprehensible to others

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to think my mother must be able to undesrtand me

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed smeyflt o fear what i cannot undesratynd

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed smeyflt o want to be sociable and comprehensivble to wards others in my words

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyefl to thin my life msuet be comprehensible for my father

I forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed msyefl to think my life msuet be comprehensible for my enviromùent

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyeflt o think i must be comprehendable by society

I forgive msyelf that i ahev allowed mseylf to think what i do must be comprehensible for others such as my family

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed smeyfdlt o care about thsi and make big deal out of this

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to be seen as very comprehensible

I forgivbe msyelf that I have allowed smeyflt o want to be perceived by others as very comprehensible

I forgive msyelf tht I have allowed mseyfl to think if another does not undesratnd me than there is something whrong with me

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed smeyflt o believe that if my parents dont comprehend me then there is something wrong with me

I forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to think that if my grandfather doent undesrtand me than there is something wrong with me

cool

ill get back to this

2 comments:

Marlen said...

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept me as ALL as who I really am instead of lingering to thoughts/feelings/emotions of the perception of who I am

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am simplicity of lie here and all the judgements/ideas/perceptions of me is not who I am in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to my own mind instead of unconditionally stopping thoughts that don't allow me to remain in silence as who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from self by giving way and head to thoughts/feelings/emotions that blind my awareness of me being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that others are having fun while not realizing that they are being systems entertaining themselves within the mind as that which they perceive themselves to be and not as what they/we really are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to linger on to self-hatred not realizing that in doing so I am talking for all and that is not who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I must do something not realizing that is of the mind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to support and assist me in every moment in stopping any thoughts/feelings/emotions that divert my attention of the breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self expression of who I really am delegating power to others that I perceive have power of defining me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept me as undefinable as that which I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to numb my existence with mind thoughts/feelings/emotions because of not wanting to face myself here, in silence in every breath as who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem the breath as heavy/burden not realizing that the breath is all I am and by declaring that I am giving death to the life that I am trying to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself while thinking and writing self forgiveness from the starting point of being anxious and not stable within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take self forgiveness as a doing instead of a being

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to force me into remaining here within and as the breath and in doing so, stopping all mind bullshit that isn't me at all

I accept me as who I am
I stop all deceit and definitions of my perception/belief of who I am
I accept and allow myself to experience life as simplicity of breath here

I am here as the breath of life of oneness and equality

Mind Robot said...

thx ur welcome marlen