Saturday, July 26, 2008

controll

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to have tala do it my way with oregano, because i fear that if he tries something different it will go wrong and he will spill it

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that i must be in control of every situation so that i can prevent things from going 'wrong'

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to hold on to my perceptions of control

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear if i dont have controll over a situation everything will go wrong and i will not get what i desire

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to manipulate situations and want to be in control of them so that i can get what i want/desire as an outcome i have set msyelf

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear the outcome of things and thus want to be in controll

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear if i am not in control then i will die or i may die because everything can go terribly wrong

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to seek control over situations

i forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to seek control over situations so that i can feel more safe

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to think i can controll if the mozarella spills or not

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to before i do something start stressing because it might go wrong and not as planned

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to stress because something im doing might go wrong or not as i plan

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to become anxieous when people deviate from my plan, because i had imagined myself an outcome and expectations i created

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to 'stick to the plan' out of fear of all that can happen

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be addicted to the illusion of controll, like a junky

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to be able to make all the descisions about what we do and what must be done

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define control as desciding to which store we go

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define control as desciding which route we take

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define control as choosing when we go to the store and when we eat and when we start cooking

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define control as choosing what we will eat a day in advance

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define control as sticking to my job to see what will happen

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define being in controll as having all the money

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define being in controll as desciding if we go see batman or not or if we go home to make lasagna

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to only consider my personal selfinterest when making dzescisions for all

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to need to have it all my way - so that in the end my personal interest will be served

i forgive msyelf that i havea llowed msyelf to only consider my personal benefit

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to seperate msyelf from everything in believing there exist something as my personal benefit

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to believe persobnal benefit is valid

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to think and accept personal benefit as valid and as a ground to make descisions on for a group

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think much in advance and think everything over in detail as a means of thinking i am in control

i forgive msyel that I have allowed msyelf to define control as imagining msyemlf a situation i in real life have to face and anticipate what words i will use and what i will say and on what tone of voice, wht clothes i will wear etc

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