Wednesday, July 16, 2008

security friendship - LIFEBOAT ?

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think this world and existence is a dangerous thing

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think i must be fearfull in oreder to be able to survide in the world

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to look for security and protection because of these perceptions

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to base my friendships on fear of death

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to base my friendships on separation, because i wanted security and protection, my apparent certainty for the future

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to let myself be manipulated by my parents because i believed i needed them as security and p^rotection in the world, because i fear the future and death

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to let me be manipulated because i fear the future and death

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear the future and death, because i fear i can lose who i am

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define security and protection as having many friends

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define security and protection as having many friends who like me very much and who'd be prepared to help me out in case of trouble

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear losing a friend because i then apprently lose a point of security and protection in my world

i forgiove msyelf that I have allowed msyelf tyo want to keep in touch with all my friends because i perceive them to be my security and protection for the future

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to separate me from security

i forgive me that i have allowed me to separate me from protection

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to take security and protection for granted in my world

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to take these for granted not realising that in separation i can lose them - but not really, because they are me

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to not realize security is me

i forgive msyelf that I have not allowed msyelf top realise protection is me

i forgive msyelf that I have not allowed msyelf to recognize security and protection as msyelf as who I am

I accept security and protection as msyelf as who i am - I have allways been HERE

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define security and protection as having many friends with big houses

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define security and protection as having friends with a place to stay

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf tod efien security and protection as having people I can rely on in case there would occur drastic changes in my life

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to never undertake anything, because i fear losing my security and protection

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to let msyelf be controlled by the perception of security and protection as i have defined them seperate from me

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf tod efien security as having an income because i have a job

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to not realize that this is a joke

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define security and protection as being friends with b

I forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to defien security and protection as being frineds with rb

I forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to define security and protection as being friends with liesbeth

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to define security as being frinds with rob

i frogive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to defien security and protectipon as being frinds with bram

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to defien security and protection as being frinds with many girls who like me

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf tod efien security and protection as being frinds with thomas

i forgive mlsyefl that I have allowed msyelf tod efien security and comfort as being friends with Helene

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define security and comfort as living with my parents

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to defien security and comfort as having friends with much money

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyuelf tod efoie security and comfort as having a large family with people who all have jobs so that i will allways be "fine"

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to see my larger family as my support foundation in the world - the people who I can and must count on

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fer letting go of certain people because i percieve this world is unsafe and i can die if i have no frinds

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to make sure that at all times I have a certain amount of friends and use every opportunity to enlarge my group of aquaintances

i forgive myself that I have allowe msyelf to think that having frinds is a sign of security and comfort

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to think that having many friends means now i am safe

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to want to have as many friends as possible because then i dont have to worry to a certain extent anymore

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to make people dependent on me so they would equally need me as I need them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to make everyone believe they need me so they will keep me as a friend

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to actually believe friendship is the most important thing in life

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to voice that friends are the most important thing in life - because a lover is dispensable but freinds not and you need them to survive

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define living as survival

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to strategically choose and keep my friends for the future, people who will be usefull so that I cvan survive and so that I will be succesfull

I forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear being direct to a friend because of all the mess that is involved

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyefm to talk crap and bullshit to friends because i fear losing them and so i play along

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think friendship is beautifull and nessecary and great and everyone has friends and if u have none then u are doomed

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to think that if i have no friends i am doomed

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to believe that no friends = bveing doomed and fucked forever

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyel to think that no friends = death

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to think no friends = fear and no security

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to have an agenda with beings because of how fokked i am

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to manipultae beings and situation sso that all would nicely fit in my future plan

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to allways want to make up to my friends in moments of apparent crisis, because i fear losing them and i would anything to keep them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to be so fearfull that i cannot imagine living alone no frinds

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to imagine myself future outcomes of my life considering this state of affairs with the friends i have currently

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to regularly give my frinds a phonecall so we can talk and strengthen the bond

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to bind myself to friends

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to defien this bondage as security and protection

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear what people may think of me because of what i write

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyemf to even consider what anyone in the world may possibly think - i ignore the mind

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to send my blog around to people in the hope they will undestand and possibly eventually even agree and so i can keep my friends

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoed msyelf to...

ok done for now

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