Tuesday, July 29, 2008

self-enjoyment

i forgive myself that i have allowed msyelf to define self-enjoyment as playing with toys while sitting on the floor

i forgive msyelf that I havea llowed myself to define self enjoyment as writing a novel - building a novel sentence by sentence

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed myself to define self enjoyment as designing a story for a novel in my mind - piece by piece

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as telling a story i have written to an audience

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with toy guns and shooting them

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelkf to define self enjoyment as playing with my ninja turtles, with their little weapons and the ropes i would hang them on

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as holding the blue ninja turtle in my hand and putting his swords in his hands and placing him on the floor so he looks fierce and dangerous

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as following the instructions from booklet when building a lego space-ship

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as building a lego-spaceship piece by piece and see the result when it is finished

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to define self enjoyment as playing with my lego's in my room and playing war and star wars

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with my lego red robots

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playiong with my lego-build robots that could do crazy stuff with their arms

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myselmf to define self enjoyment as building something with my hands - creating with my hands, trnasforming somthing into a different and consistent shape

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as following instructions and builmd piece by piece my lego technics vehicels and cars an,d planes and helicopters

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as building my lego technics truck, and play with it when i had put batteries in it

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as building the engine from this truck and see all the pipelines and how complicated this was

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as making up / designing a story that i can play with my lego

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to define self enjoyment as building a wall from ice-blocks in the garden

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as building this wall with pieces from the plastic shell that was frozen and throw water over the blocks so they woulkd freeze together

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing in the mud with my friend and making bread from the mud and with grass

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to judge myself as dirty because i was playing with mud and an adult said this is dirty

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as writing my story about the two kings and inventing this story completely and working on this

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as pondering which word would suit which description best

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as having allmost reached the end of the story and knowing it will be finished soon

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as designing word by word a story - create a reality and in my mind imagine myself all these things

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as running arace against my father

i forgive msyelf that i haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as going for a bike ride with my father and following him

i forgive msyelf that i haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with duplo blocks and building space ships that resemble star wars ones

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with the duplo blocks and building myself weapons and preten,d i can shoot with them

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imagining i hold a light-saber like luke skywalker and fight with imaginary enemy

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imagining i have a gun in my hand and i shoot laser like Jan Solo

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imaging myself to be Sanggoku from Dragonball Z and shooting massive energy balls with my hands

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imaging myself to be a warrior and having an armour and also i have the head of a panter and i can have long nails like a lion from my fingers

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imaging myself to be a ninja warrior and doing fung fu or karate and having a long shiny sword - a black ninja

i forgive msyelf that I havea llowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as play Virtua fighter on computer and play with ninja

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define grace as playing with ninja from virtua fighter and see how he moves

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing virtua fighter against big boss

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to defiens elf enjoyment as fight against akira

i forgive msyelf that i haveallowed myself to define self enjoyment as fight with Jeffry and take him to fight others

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as with virtua figher on computer perform cool moves and move fast and kick hard the opponent untill he falls on the floor completely

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as writing my story about this bum who lives on the street

i forgive msyelf that i haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as placing msyelf in the shoes of this bump and see wht i would do in this or that situation

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with the chinese man in virtua fighter because he kicks so fast

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing age of empires for hours

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing Guild wars on computer online for hours and make all the different missions

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment playing car races on computer

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing monster trucks on computer and take a turn while slipping the road and going super fast

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as racing and riding first and doing my best to remain first so others can not get back at me

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as building my big lego robot and see the result - he was big and much higher than the rest

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with the plack lego roibot who had legs to walk and who i let jump like a dinosaur on others robots

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define sefl enjoyment as playing with dinosaur i received from marissa and use him in combat with my turtles

i forgive msyelf that I haveallowed msyel to define self enjoyment as playing with lego and with my mouth making all the specific and required war noices so that it would seem real

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imitaing the sound of lasers shooting from star wars, while playing with my spacecraft

i forgive msyelf that I hvae allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing tennis with glen and boris

i forgive msyelf that i haveallowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as making a big point with tennis againts glen and his brother boris

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as with badminton being able to reach far and return almost all 'balls'

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing in the see on and in the waves and dive under the waves and let me be carried away by the powerfull wave

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as being dragged along by a wave and rolling in many directions

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as jumping from high plcaes like in a playground with chldrens wooden castels

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as entering and gliding in the big tube in plankendael

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as being drunk

i forgive msyelf thgat I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as drinking whiskey and getting drunk

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as being stoned and laughing unstoppably

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as remebering somthing i thaught was funny

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as remembering an event that makes me laugh again

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as being drunk and speaking in a loud voice and insulting people

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as drinking pissang and and being drunk and telling people to fuck off and laughing

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as translating my tesis

i forgive msyelf that i ahve allowed msyelf to defines elf enjoyment as doing research on the illuminati and conductying my investigation in books

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watchin,g naked gun with leslie nielsen

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoymebnt as watchiong ace ventura with jim carey

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as hearing children laugh and yell and see them play

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as laughing when leila is around

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoymenbt as looking at leila her face when i laugh

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watching Hot shots on tv

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watchging a movie on tv

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watching a movie in vµcinema

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing magic cards

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as playing with magic cards against leila

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watching lord of the rings in cinema big screen

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoymentr as watching cable guy with ace ventura

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as watching dragon ball z on tv and see Freezer and Sanggoku kight and Vegeta

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed myself to define self enjoyment as watching Vegeta fight and how fast they all move

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment as imagining msyel to be a warrior with a black panter head and many weopons and an armour

i forgive msyelf that i havea not allowed msyelf to see self enjoyment is here

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to not even know self enjoyment is here -as who i am

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to define self enjoyment seperate from msyelf -

i forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to not enjoy msyelf for myself

i am self enjoyment here - self enjoyment is who i am

1 comment:

marlenlife said...

hey gabs why don't you write a novel in full self honesty as you ... then enjoyment wouldn't be separate anymore. Or are you already planning to do this?

it's cool because you can be self honest with words,

images, in my case,different story -as matti said the other day- you can't represent self honesty with images.

enjoy yourself writing that is cool