Saturday, July 12, 2008

suicide stuff

yesterday when being in the station i had to go to the toilet and it was the same toilet i had been when i had done the suicide attempt. i went numb for a while when openeing the door. i felt heavy in my feet

i forgivevmsyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think i dont know whats going on

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to supress this

i forgive msyelf that I have allwoe msyelf to lose courage because of this

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to rather feel sad than understand what i expêreince really

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think all is over

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think that my life was actually over when i returned to school

i forgive msyelf that I have alowed msyelf to regret that day i ran away

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to feel as if everything is gone and dead

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think this is the way out

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to desperately look for a way out

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to feel heavy

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear dying

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msylef to never want to die

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to seek comfort in the idea of death

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to consider self destrucion

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to want to destroy myself

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to rather want to destroy myself than stand up in this world for me

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to rather destroy myself than to stand up and give msyelf a chance

i forgive msyelmf that i have allowed msyelf to think self destruction is even an option

i forgive msyelf thgat i have allowed msyelf to justify self destruction through the example of others

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to justify self destruction through the example of kurt cobain

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to hold self destruction as my last card

I forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to want to throw away this opportunity this life to stand up and rather kill myself

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think destroying msyelf is easier than to stand up

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think its ok if i destroy msyelf

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to justify myselkf and give msyelf excuses why its ok to throw away this life this body where i breathe

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think i can escape msyelf through destroying my body - which is pure disgrace

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think my body doesnt matter really

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think my body is unimportant

i forgive msyef that i have not allowed msyelf to be grateful for my body and love it as myself

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think i can just toss my body like that

i forgive msyelf that i have allwoed msyelf to wan, tto take revenge on my body which is innocent

No comments: