Tuesday, August 5, 2008

work-home survival-combo

i forgiv myself that i have allowed myself to think and believe i should stick to the place where i live and the job that i have, because this si so convenient and they seem to interlock, because they are so closely located to one another

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to not consider this point - that i hold on to my job TOGETHER with the house i live in and use the one as justification for the other

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear that if i lose my job - my living-place will get in jeopardy and there will be no point anymore in living there and i will have to consider completely new things

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear that if i leave the house, then it will be more difficulkt to get to work, because how close it is

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to imprison msyelf - out of all possibilities - into this reality-combination and use excuses why this is 'the best'

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to fear giving up this combo of work and house - of occupation and habitation

i forgive msyelf that I have allowed msyelf to think i need both absolutely and definately and without any one of them, i'll be lost

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to fear change

perhaps i will consider getting driver-licence, cuz right now i only have a bike which constricts me in some ways, with regards to this situation

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think if i lose my job in some way, i will find no new job and my father will give me a hard time

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to think i am not capable of finding jobs and that if i dont find one this means i am a faillure

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to think the possibility of losing my job - the possibility in my mind, that i create msyelf - is something that i should fear and actually consider so that i can exist in fear

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to think i should 'hold on' to the combo i am in right now, because when i lose this i dont know what i'll do

i forgive myself that I have allowed msyelf to fear i might lose my job unexpectedly

i forgive msyelf that i have allowed msyelf to allways care if my bosses ar pleased with me so they will not fire me

i forgive msyelf that I ahve allowed msyelf to join a work-dinner from the startingpoint of showing to the bosses and collegues that they actually mean somthing to me - which is deception, because i dont fear losing them, but i fear losing my job

i forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear when i take an icecream and a boss would 'catch' me they will give me a lecture and i will score a bad point

to be continued

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