Wednesday, November 5, 2008

declining a blowjob and more...

i had a dream where i was peeing - it looked like i was in my old student building - in a sink and a girl (a former neighbor from when i was a kid - wtf was she doing there !) appeared next to me and while i continued peeing, she asked me if i could help her with something, implying i would have to come with hr to her room - a casual thing she couldn't do by herself alone - and because i didn't immediately responded, she added:"I can give you a blowjob too." and she was looking at my penis - and i started getting excited by the idea and considering it, but then LO and BEHOLD, i declined because i experienced being directed by something separate from me, the arousal that was kicking in. she also said something that i had a beautifull penis or something, which is interesting, because the day before i did sf on the point of seeing the real phisicality as imperfect (in terms of how it looks and the odor of it) and pictures of bodies as perfect

so nothing happened in that particular dream

but then i woke up with wet pants anyways - whats that for ? though wet pants is the tactic my body uses to get me out of bed (to wake up) after i had enough sleep, yes it happens a LOT of times

did i have another dream or something? i don't even remember

so, because i woke up at three in the morning i decided to take a bath and wait for the sun to come up, i fell asleep for short moments in the bath though, and then i go t out after some dilemma - (the last point where i fell asleep, i was lying on my left side, totally uncomfortable, because i "wanted to roll myself sideways" - such mindbullshit) - so then i had breakfast: kellogs with sugar. this was a cool cange because i do every morning the same (brown bread with whatever on it, mostly cheese and mustard - allways actually)

yesterday we started watching V for vendetta and i totally fell asleep it was not even 21 h when we started watching. at one point i woke up in the sofa and i thought bernard was talking to me, but he was actually talking to the portal who was sitting behind me, i felt shaken because he said: "NOT EFFECTIVE" - with his eyes piercing in my direction - and in my sleepy confusion i thought he was saying i was ineffective in staying awake, so i started sitting straight and all and keeping my eyes open, but off course i immediately fell asleep again

i woke up again when the film was done - i was like, hmmm, thats deep sleep and went off to bed - so i slept some two hours in the couch already which caused me to wake up at 3 am in the morning

before v for vendetta we watched another film about a guy who totally fucks up - that was cool for a change, like he makes the one fuck up after the other and everybody gets killed except him