Friday, November 6, 2009

A vivid Dream

i had a dream where i saw someone from sa - andrew - singing a song

he stood in a box with colorfull artwork in the background and i myself was not 'there' - although i was 'seeing' what was happening - so i was just experiencing andrew in a blue costume and with his hair neatly brushed standing in front of a micro singing a song (rock and roll style) on music that was from Matti - and i remember being 'concerned' over the the music not being 'right' or not being of good enough audio quality to make the performance into something 'professional'- it was like a complete act, how everything was put together, to have a real performance

My first impression is simply: this is related to ego - though further than that its not clear - i've looked at 'fame' desires etc but in writing this out what stands out most is this thing with the music - and in the dream itself what stood out was the intensity of the artwork that was in the backgound like extremely colourfull - and also this expereince of andrew being a professional 'star' - and the way andrew was singing in a very 'pepped up' way

im in a phase atm where im feeling shitty most of the time and like i want to stand up but something pulls me back - so i keep doing the stuff that i see are directly usefull but its also an escape to not be self-intimate - so i keep going back to the video's i make and because i'm not stopping i end up comparing and judging everything and getting lost in that -

so, with the dream - i'm highly resisting it - what do i show myself? the concern and value i place in the detail and giving that all the worth. obviously i asked myself: why andrew? he represents what? the being accomplished, the natural artist,

perhaps the dream just shows me what i'm really giving attention to: personal gain - forcing things, overdoing it, ok thats all for the moment