Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Looking at a Dream

Tonight I had a dream where I am walking around in a shoppingmall-like place to try some clothes (or somehting), and at one point i notice I lost my jacket (the one I mentionned in my post above) which makes me even more nervous in the dream when i realise my wallet is still in the jacket as well. I am about to voice this fear to someone though at that point I realize I created the whole point myself and I decide to not speak and that evenutally I will find my jacket.

At one point I am asking a girl (who works in the shop/place?) to go and look inside a large sportsroom that is full of girls doing sports and where i am not allowed to enter. Eventually I arrive at the entrance of the room myself and I find my jacket hanging somewhere, and I assume the girl must have left it there for me. Then I go into a point of spying into the room because I want to check what the girls are doing and there is an obvious energetic point within that spying that I would say is sex-related.

The spying actually happens as I wait for the 'elevator' which is actually a tramway that is comming up in a staircase-like system, where the stairs have been replaced with rails - so it's like a justification point where it's ok for me to participate in the energy because I'm in an 'in between moment', waiting for the tramway-elevator anyways and 'it just happens that i see these girls' (while in the dream I actually placed myself lying down on top of some structure to get a better sight). The whole place is a bit like a cave inside because of the rough and whobbly texture of the floor upon which the rails are set, and eventually the tram arrive and I either get in or I don't but I remember clearly that i was determined to take the tram but the dream ends there.

So – a clear element is the tramway, because I do in fact take a tramway every day when I go to work. And a point with regards to the tramway I have in real life is where I will doubt whether I will take the tramway or walk to my work (which is only 15 minutes). The considerations I have is: if I walk then I am having a little bit of physical movement, which is good for at least not gaining more weight given that I’m not doing any sports or anything anymore. However with the bad weather it may damage my shoes which cost money and I may then have to buy new ones. Another more neutral consideration is that if it is really cold, I will simply prefer not walking and taking the tramway.

Then inside the tramway there are always many woman/girls where I do have this point of glancing at woman/girls – and the point of my physical appearance comes up prominently and also in relation to the clothes I wear, my tie, my shoes, etc. (And also my cap and the worry that I will be seen as ridiculous with that kind of cap together with the kind of clothes I am wearing). For instance there will be another guy with a suit and a tie waiting for the tram as well and I always have this judgment of: “why can’t he take a car – he’s probably greedy!”. I also have a judgment towards him where I tell myself that I look better than him – lol, because fascinating: because he’s the only guy waiting on the tram with a suit and a tie together with me, while all the rest are more ‘randomly clothed’ and most of them are 12 to 16 year old and simply go to school – I see him as being in competition with me. Competition with regards to our clothes and how ‘elite’ we look: “Damn, he looks more classy than me because I am wearing this cap and he’s actually wearing an expensive hat.” So, to compensate this I tell myself: “Yeah, but he’s more ugly than me !!!!!!”

So – clearly an obsession with wanting to impress woman and younger girls specifically with my clothes and the way I look and wanting to radiate success and stable income.

The fact that in my dream the tramway is actually representing the elevator that comes up in a staircase-like structure – also points towards the elevator I take daily at work. With regards to the elevator I have this questioning of: “should I take the elevator down or should I take the stairs?” (because my work office is at the 10th floor of a building) Here again the ‘reason why’ is that taking the stairs is good because then I have a minimum of physical movement that is good for not gaining weight.

While I’m writing about the elevator I might just as well add this point: in the legal department of the company where I work they have acquired a new person to work there, a woman. The point with her is that she is ‘beautiful looking’, where she has for instance ‘very long smooth hair’ and ‘beautifull eyes’, a skinny face and... big breasts. So once I was waiting for the elevator and she entered the hall as well and I saw she was coming for the elevator as well while I was already inside and ready to go up – so I stopped the doors from closing and she entered the elevator as well. When our eyes met she immediately looked down – which I experienced as strange and it seems I took it personally, as if I am a criminal or an abuser. This point I kept experiencing of her having her reservations about talking to me or looking at me – which I can see now why I reacted, because I did in fact have an energetic experience towards her.

So – this was my dream thus far and what it brought up.

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