Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Backchat Story

Yesterday after I had cooked myself a meal - I sat myself down in the couch to eat comfortably.

Yet – it was warm outside and when it's warm like that I leave the front door open – and I knew many of the neighbors were sitting outside chatting - I could hear them talking.

("Being perception" - drawing by Marlen Vargas Del Razo)

So, even though I had some resistance I saw it was really stupid to eat here alone ‘hidden away’ in the house and I decided to get up and join my neighbors outside.

I said hello and joined two people who were sitting there, I took a seat on a chair that was placed outside – which many here in the street have outside all the time, and placed my plate with baked potatoes with mayonnaise on my lap.

So – there was my neighbor sitting there and another guy who will soon move in the street apparently – and who is from Finland – so, we talked about the language point a bit and then he asked if I don’t speak Finnish, because that would be so cool to have someone who speaks Finnish. So, here my backchat was ‘ok, why would I speak Finnish’ – as the question seemed a bit ambiguous.

Then we started talking about my food – like ‘what are you eating’, and I said it’s baked potatoes – after which my neighbor asked if I’m a cook (which I found a funny question) or if I just cook randomly, so I explained that recently I actually started putting some effort in the food I prepare (like today I made onions with tomatoes and merguez and little potatoes, though the potatoes were ready last) – whereas before I would simply buy stuff from the fridge etc. in the store that never involves any real cooking. I also explained that I was feeling physically better since I started doing that and the Finish guy said: ‘Yes, that stuff from the fridge is not good.’

Then an interesting thing happened, the Finnish guy asked if he could have one potatoe – to which I had a reaction. Because the thoughts that came up were: ‘but I have only two potatoes left for myself’, and ‘how dare you’ and ‘It’s just enough for myself’ – but I simply held my plate in his direction and he took a small potatoe of my plate.

I wasn’t all clear on what this reaction signified, but I saw it would be really nonsensical and sabotage to refuse – lol, and there was probably some peer-pressure at play as well. Though because this reaction kept sitting in me and I started experiencing a slight resistance to sit with this person - I didn’t stay much longer after my plate was empty and I went back in the house.

Now this unfolding of action-reaction is quite easy to pinpoint afterwards – and a solution could have been to breathe and deliberately engage the person to move through the ‘resistance-energy’. But instead I accepted the reaction as ‘real’, even up to the belief where I afterwards stated in my back-chat: “see – this is what happens when you engage with these people – immediate consequence!”

When I shared this point with Manuela later the evening – and I shared the question that I had asked myself: “so what is there to be realized” within this, and I shared my backchat around it – that maybe I should have ‘stood up’ – Manuela made it very clear that the reaction was based in ego and indeed a form of sabotage.
So, it was cool to see how easily a mindfuck is created.

And the point where it starts is very simple: is ‘believing’ a thought, ‘believing the backchat’ – because self try to make sense out of a moment through the mind – using backchat – instead of breathing here and standing equal as the moment here. So, thinking or backchat is then simply a form of attempted control – because the realty of the moment is simply here to be seen, explored, participated in – yet as soon as you follow the white rabbit of thought you clearly end up in a delusional reality.

So, join us at Desteni – where we support ourselves and each other to stop our delusions and dysfunctional behavior and start participating with each other as equals here in the physical.

Gabriël Zamora Moreno

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

effective catch of backchat... thanks Gabriel