Sunday, May 24, 2015

Take care of your Afterlife

Let’s take a practical look at the afterlife. We have seen many people die in our world and based on that we are able to draw a conclusion: whenever someone died, the world continued to exist without them. It is therefore safe to say that the same will be true for you: when you die, the world will continue to exist without you.

In terms of the possibility of an Afterlife, you have actually not had any evidence that an afterlife would await you after death. But you have had plenty of proof that life on earth continues whenever someone died. Hence the real afterlife should be defined as follows: “the Afterlife is that which comes After my Life.” And based on the evidence you have you can conclude that “that which continues after your life” is simply “life on earth”. Therefore your Afterlife is the world you leave behind for others and this brings an immense responsibility.

In most countries the individual can decide for himself if and how he takes responsibility for his death. With taking responsibility for one’s death I mean: making the necessary arrangements such as through a testament, but also discussing your death with those in your world and what needs to happen after your death.  It means that you ask yourself the question: what needs to be in place so that when I die, there is a graceful transition for those I leave behind.

The reason why the above mentioned freedom of choice (will I take responsibility for my death or not?) exists is very simple. Technically speaking the law cannot force you to make or not make certain death arrangements (whereas the law can for instance force parents to meet certain parental obligations towards their children) because once you are dead no-one can take legal action against you anyways. So, it is clear that this freedom of choice was only created as a cover up for the inability of the system to deal with this point otherwise. This way it sounds like an honorable thing and as if the system ‘respects’ your decisions.

The solution that was found to this problem is that if the person does not take responsibility for their death, their relatives can be held accountable and can in fact be forced to deal with whatever the deceased person was unwilling to deal with. So, in that sense the responsibility of the deceased is simply transferred. Thus it is never a real freedom, because others will have to pay for the negligence of the departed one.

From my perspective the freedom to deal with your death or not – should not exist, because as I have explained you are merely transferring your responsibility, and that is unacceptable. This topic should in fact be part of your education, to such an extent that you are completely comfortable with looking at the consequences of your death practically and what you need to do to ensure that your death does not harm others. It’s interesting – death is the one certainty in everyone’s life – yet it is the one point we don’t want to deal with. How can we ever grow up and be responsible when we exist in denial towards the greatest certainty in this reality? Does that not sound delusional?

Let’s prepare the way for a world in which individuals are able to look death in the eye and through that actually become stronger human beings with greater empathy and integrity.

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Thursday, May 14, 2015

Day 1 - A Narcissist's Journey to Life

Today the point of Narcissim opened up and I will use this blog to walk this design.

The first trait of Narcissism that I found in a comprehensive list, is the following:

1.      1.  “An insatiable appetite for the attention of other people.”

How have I been living this point?

I can see that since my childhood years this point already came very much to the forefront. I would say that this huge need for attention started when I was 6-7 years old.

At that point I was relatively new in a new school and the people in my class were from what I remember calm and normal kids. One of them however (W), was more like a ‘Daredevil’ who would have a strong reputation in the class as being someone who dares a lot, and who is not afraid of the teachers. I basically thought that he was much tougher than me, that he had more courage, and more self-confidence and self-value. He also stood more and more like a leader in the group – where he was kind of seen and accepted as ‘the boss’.

So, what I saw as I started writing about this point, is that I had experienced myself as inferior to this person. I was in a relationship of tension with him because I wanted to be like him yet at the same time I experienced him as a threat. So, what I did was instead of investigating how I could create the qualities in myself that I admired so much in W, I started to look for ways in which I could draw the attention of the people in my class. So what I did is I saw that W was getting the attention and so I started to compete with him to also get my share of attention. This getting of attention I would do through putting my skills in the limelight and using whatever means I saw were effective at getting attention. These tactics were: using my drawing skills to get attention, then trying to be ‘badass’ like W, and then one tactic I found particularly effective was to be funny to others.  

This led to me and W becoming good friends – because I was able to position myself as a ‘heavyweight’. Yet even within my relationship with W I would experience myself as less than him and actually still see him as a leader.

(Note to myself: Another context in which I developed a strong point of attention seeking was at home through my drawings. Whenever I made a drawing and would show it to my parents – their feedback would establish a point of pride within me where I would feel worthy.)

So, the question within this all is: what was my fear about when I felt I needed to compete with W? I feared to be ‘less’ than him and I was not accepting myself – thus I needed the recognition from the group for which I had to compete and there was this belief that I had to present myself as ‘more’ than what I really was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen myself as a lesser kid in comparison to W – where I was in fear that if I were to allow someone else to run the show I would forever be an unnoticed kid – someone ordinary…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be someone extra-ordinary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have interpreted the situation in the class as me not being good enough and thus I tried to change myself because I could not stand to be treated as inferior by someone else – I wanted to be respected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have considered respecting myself – where I develop a relationship of self-trust with myself and live in a way that is in my benefit and in the benefit of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself based on the feedback I would get from others – such as my parents or teachers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself based on the feedback I would receive from others, be it my parents or teachers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given my power away though believing that value had to be given to me and that I intrinsically had no value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed the judgments that adults made about me, which I bought into because I also wanted their positive judgments which made me feel like ‘more’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have built my self-worth exclusively in relation to the feedback I would receive from others in my world – and so when I would not get attention – I would start feeling worthless and depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bought into depression when I went to the drawing school and every time I would ‘not feel like it anymore’ and just sit around saying I had enough/ I was tired of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed this experience of having enough and being tired, which was purely a negative energy which I allowed to possess me – because I was not getting special attention and because the things we were doing at the drawing school were not necessarily things ‘I was good at’ and so I did not feel like pushing myself to simply enjoy myself with the other kids, but instead I decided to act superior by saying ‘I am tired of it’.

In my next post I will go over my self-forgivenes again and go more specific.